Audition, Part 2

I’m writing on my new blog every day for thirty days straight. This is the twelfth one.This is part of a series that started with this first post. Today will be another brief post. Tomorrow morning is my audition. I’m deep in the throes of preparation. I don’t know what to write about. Twelve days in + a little outside pressure = writer’s block. I guess I’ll talk about the fear I’m feeling.I won’t lie and say that I’m not scared. But I did not pursue acting to not be scared. If anything, I think I moved here to be scared. To be challenged. Since I started acting, I’ve said that I wanted to pursue it because it seemed to me like the most challenging thing in the world. I couldn’t see the path to success. The path was obscured by stories of luck and blurred by stories that spanned decades. Each story of success was its own intricately designed maze. Each as uniquely beautiful as a snowflake. Each as terrifying as Mt. Everest. Every actor blazes their own trail to success. And I wanted to pave my own. I wanted to take a journey into territory uncharted.I love stories of adventurers. I watched a documentary recently called Touching the Void. It’s an incredible true story of two climbers and “their perilous journey up the west face of Siula Grande in the Peruvian Andes in 1985.” I highly recommend it. It is stunning. It is beautiful. I don’t want to spoil the story, so I won’t go into any specific detail. But it’s about two cocky climbers who attempt something almost impossibly dangerous and nearly die in the attempt. They truly face death and touch the fabric of fear itself. But an interesting thing happens when one of the climbers faces alone the impossible odds of surviving. Instead of being paralyzed by his fear, he decided to keep moving forward so that he could at least be satisfied that he did something to save his own life.Stories like Touching the Void excite me. It’s about men who decide to live their lives on the razor’s edge of fear. Men who push the boundaries to see what’s on the other side of this mountain we all see but don’t always face. I won’t say that what I’m doing is nearly as courageous as what those two climbers accomplished. Pursuing an acting career definitely doesn’t feel courageous. I don’t know if I know what “courageous” feels like. And I’m definitely a LOT warmer than both of those climbers were.I know what fear feels like. It’s an uncomfortable feeling in my chest and stomach. It’s a tightness in my shoulders. It’s a glazing of my eyes. It’s a stagnation of my brain. But. It’s a slowing down. It’s a clarity of vision. It’s an adrenaline rush. It’s a superpower. When I’m afraid, I know that I’m getting close to something worthwhile. If I don’t chase fear, I won’t achieve the wild success that I desire. I will stagnate in safe decisions. I won’t take the chance. But if I don’t take the chance, I’m telling myself that I don’t believe in myself. I’m telling myself that success isn’t worthwhile. I’m telling myself that the attempt has no inherent value. And I’m telling myself right now, that the attempt has value. The success is worthwhile. I do believe in myself. I will take the chance. I will live and breathe in the chase of fear.Life is beautifully terrifying.I'll see you all tomorrow after my audition.