Lean in
I’m writing on my new blog every day for thirty days straight. This is the twenty-sixth one. Twenty-six years ago, some dry Texas breeze met my face. Twenty-six days ago, some scattered California ideas met my keyboard. I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m going. Tonight’s going to be a short post because my mind’s tired.
I was watching a Spurs game earlier today. Go Spurs Go. Manu Ginobili drove to the basket and made a layup - a thing he’s done with a special Manu-flair for years. As he was driving, I noticed he leaned into the defender. By leaning in, he actually distanced his defender from being able to block the ball. He went toward the thing trying to prevent him from succeeding. He rode his problem all the way to the hoop.I don’t think any problem can be truly resolved without acknowledging it. And I think overcoming a problem can be even easier if you press into it. If you face it head on it can support you. A surfer rides a wave. A bull rider rides a bull. These things – these problems can destroy you, but you can also learn to ride them. You can learn to master your approach towards this danger, and in doing so, these things can help you do amazing things.I think it’s very human to approach physical danger and learn to control it. I think it’s much more terrifying to approach psychological danger. And the human mind is so fickle that it’s hard to have a truly organized methodology in approaching problems. But maybe if every time I find a problem, I lean into it - if I try to ride it, I’ll get better at using it to do amazing things. Why waste what can make me stronger?
This is a nebulous topic without a reference point. As an actor, I analyze a lot of my own motivations to act a certain way. Probably to a fault. But I’ve known that I’m very insecure for a long time. I've never really addressed it. I have major insecurity issues. I’m always trying to please other people and rarely give myself permission to just be myself. I feel like I’m a spazzy mess, always trying to be a different person in a different situation. Never just myself.I don’t specifically know how to lean in and ride these problems. But the first surfers didn’t know how to ride a wave. They had to figure it out. They faced it head on. Tested, failed, improved, and one day figured it out. So I’m acknowledging my insecurity today and will continue to acknowledge it. I will move towards it, lean into it, and hopefully I’ll learn how to ride it.Manu makes it look way too easy.
